Change

So many things have changed in the past few weeks. I'm beginning to see the dark side of life. It's getting so dark that it's hard for me to see the light. I know that it's at the end of the tunnel, but sometimes I feel like the light is running further away from me.

Family. I forget the meaning. I forget why I have a family. I forget how I got to where I am in my life. The answer is -- my family. They have shaped me into the person I am today. And now, they're struggling. It's my time to give back, everything if not more that they have sacrificed for me. It may be sooner than expected, but they need me. I need to do everything in my power to be there for them -- financially, emotionally, and everything else.

I need to stay focused. I need to be the son that I know I can be. I need to make my parents proud. I need to make them smile the way they did on my high school graduation. I need to see them cry happy tears, not tears of stress or depression. I can do that.

I have faith that I will get through this. More importantly, I have faith that my family will get through these hard times. Everything happens for a reason, and I'm sure we'll all learn a valuable lesson through this.

Things never stay the same. We need to keep up with the changes in our lives, and keep pushing forward.

This Woman's Work

This Woman's Work - Maxwell

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lHDfZwvsgQ

This video. This song. This dance. It evokes so many emotions. It brings out the deepest and darkest insecurities that I have. It brings me to a place that I feared, but showed me that I have the will to overcome obstacles.

"I Know You've Got A Litte Life In You Yet
I Know You've Got A Lot Of Strength Left"

It brings me back to the hospital where my grandmother was struggling to stay alive. That week that I spent in that hospital was the most life-changing experience that I ever had. It taught me so much in that short one week span. Those moments that I spent sitting in silence for countless hours taught me so much about myself, family and life.

I spent 8 hours each day of the week by my side of my grandmother -- waiting, watching, hoping and praying patiently. I prayed to God and to every other higher being out there to give her that strength to live a bit longer. My family wasn't ready to let go yet -- especially my dad. I didn't understand love until I saw my dad cry at the site of my grandmother's weakness.

A couple days in, we all began to lose hope. We were discussing options that were all leading to letting her go. These moments were the darkest times of my life. Watching my dad and aunt cry beside my grandmother. All I could do was be there to rub his shoulder and tell him that everything will be okay. I had to dig deep and find the strength inside my heart that I knew I had to help my dad get through this.

And then a miracle happened. My grandmother started recovering slowly, but surely. She was taken off life support a day or two later. All that praying, hoping, wishing, and most importantly LOVE & FAITH kept her alive. As of right now, she's at home, safe and sound under the care of my family.

This week has taught me so much.

To NEVER give up. My grandmother is a living and breathing example of this. I can't think of any better example. I saw her struggle every day in that bed. I saw her tears. I saw her pain. I saw it all. That journey that she went through to stay with her family. She wasn't ready to go yet. She knew this -- and she fought for it. She didn't give up, even when the doctors told us that it wasn't likely she'll get through it. She defied gravity, went against all the odds against her, and found it within herself to fight.

To LIVE each day as if it were your LAST. You never know when or how -- but you know it's a part of life. Say all the things you want to say. Do all the things you want to do. Have no regrets. And most importantly, SMILE -- be happy.

I want to end with the most touching instant that happened in the hospital. When my grandmother was in an unbelievable amount of pain, my dad and I stood beside her holding her hand as she squeezed it tightly. After the pain calmed down a bit, my father asked if she was okay. She shook her head in pain and exhaustion. My father told her to keep pushing, to keep believing, and that everything will be okay if she has faith in herself.

And then he asked her for a favor -- to find the strength to smile for him. And she did... she gave the most beautiful smile I have ever seen in my life.